These were the names on two black, white and red vessels, ships I saw on the Columbia River this morning as I had my morning tread at Patriot Hall. Wisdom LINE has been anchored the past two days, but HUR was making her way down the river towards Portland.
It is not uncommon for me to read the names on ships, or initials and make up my own acronyms or poetic lines based on what I’ve just left in the dream world, or to make sense of what I am currently working spiritually/psychologically as I work-out. Today, I saw HUR (thinking HER) quickly approaching her wisdom line and then as two ships do in that cliché’ we’ve all heard, passed one another, I saw HUR WIS (her wise) which soon became WISDOM LINE—HUR and I saw the circle of it all and this unfolding scene was a waking reaffirmation of my middle of the night dreaming I got down in half-asleep scrawl. Wisdom messages to myself.
In the dream, I am explaining to a man I grew up with (junior high boyfriend) how I know which way to go. I explain it like invisible treble clefs crossed with a bass clef and they’re seen more like energetic light outside of regular eye focus, but are there nonetheless if one will look for them. These, feeling and intuition, match up and hook together and that is a line to follow, gives us direction on how to play.
In half state, I link that there is no further negative “dwelling,” if I will only listen to—heed the feelings and markers as they come. I know by intuition and there is no further explaining to do unless there is someone genuinely asking for guidance, not all of these people who have continually challenged what I have known by feeling.
This is why I have had such a difficult time, because as an early trauma survivor, especially I think is the case when trauma occurs as a child and ones closest adult authority figures/caretakers correct you in your feelings, intuitions and even experiences. I was regularly told what I was feeling was not, ie. directly that it never happened, or minimizing, denying, dismissing to differing degree. In consequence, I have made questioning myself a habitual and toxic way of being and it keeps me not only in a perpetual negative state—me against my own WILL, it in turn makes me a prime candidate for more manipulation.
I don’t know that I will ever understand these people that use others, harvest one another, take for joy from others when they can see this stealing is hurting others? I say, no, that hurts and I don’t want anymore—emotional survival and in half sleep, I imagine it just as if I was stepping on a field of glass, or into a tar-pit if I continue in this same way of being. Yes, sometimes people unknowingly hurt one another, but we ought to grow wise once it becomes clear that is where, exactly where, they’d like to keep us.
So, I will work on going with the power of first feelings and first impressions, there is no wrong when we are only going towards what feels good. Pray for those who despitefully use you, not engage for an extended time with them—only to have your genuine good stunted and siphoned. No! I know by what doesn’t feel good and then feeling good by that knowing. This circle’s into itself, the same as a negative loop does. I stayed in these loops with several close people because it is most familiar territory, how I’d been loved as a child. Stayed in these negative loops which increased the horrors to the point of blatant abuse, psychic punches in which there was no way to not know and still continue functioning.
Dreams are knowledge, your own wisdom-filled updates, and I for one, don’t want to miss them!
One of these “thief-people” once told me, that love was cliché’, but where to start a poem then if not from LOVE?
I start to slip off into sleep and again am prompted to sit up and write the line which was on repeat as important in my mind:
Seas in the skies and streams as seams~