Middle of the Night Meandering

1:03 am, I jot the time in my open dream diary.  I went to bed less than two hours before, happily exhausted after an exhilarating night of dance demo’s and raffle prizes for the Astoria Arts and Movement Center benefit event, a night in which I felt so connected to and loved by the community and yet, here I was waking up with a feeling of anxiety, a part of me exhausted and not wanting to come to and another who was adamant that I wake up and write down the wisdom being shown me, not necessarily in a dream, but in a liminal, sleep state in which I was processing the evening.

I can’t do it alone is the middle of the night message and also that I am missing the entire point if I think that I can.  We’re all connected and ONE and I need help, I am in this experience, this town, and this particular place in the galaxy of realms in order to learn through cooperation and not alienating myself, or putting myself above those around me.  In some way, admitting this to myself gives me a sense of severe anxiety?  An open, raw wound, a string I need to follow, I remember Bill Plotkin urging me to go towards the situations that scare me the most.  I write how I want to be loved, part of the group, sharing my talents even if not in perfect form.  That’s really all we can do, I also scribble, put our best foot forward and not worry too much about making mistakes.

It never fails that when I put something like this to paper; it loses some of the profoundness the epiphany came with.  Like even if I write it down, or others read and find my simple words as a guide or clue towards something they’re also looking for, we make some of our transits entirely alone, connection that comes only to us from dream.  And, that is true, but there is also a need to be in full relationship with others, as I am being shown.

And, wouldn’t you know, a waking dream confirmation also comes in the form of an online Queen of Cups tarot reading I listened to this morning through headphones while washing my dishes and doing laundry.  A pick of three cards, what is your trauma psychic reading game and the card I pick is all about this idea of being elevated, a particular problem born of my trauma. That I am not taking full advantage of this being human if not fully letting others in, and that avoiding heartbreak or embarrassment costs me my happiness, bonding with others as well, soulFULL, spiritual expansion.

“Let people get to know you! Don’t be afraid to fall!”